I have tried
to be succulent
to survive amidst rocks
to fill this dry bed..
I have tried
to not be led
to your river
to hold what I’m given
to keep it locked in
and not wither..
I have tried
not to flower,
to deflect the light
like a forest, a filament
glowing inside
a bomb without clocks
I have tried
to be seed -
to not need the warmth,
to be smaller, contained
as if it’s enough to be
wild in a window-box..
I have tried
not to bear
fruit, to be barely
there, to need less,
to be less
and grow spines..
I have tried
to keep in the lines
like a newly sown
crop in perpetual night,
to cease the flight,
the need to arrive
and join the flock
